do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
the raccoons are back...
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