Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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