What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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