Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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