I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
