I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
