How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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