You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They have beer where we have blood.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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