hotel room ftw
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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