My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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