He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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