I cannot find my penis.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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