Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
