I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your cock deserves a montage
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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