did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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