Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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