The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
