If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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