mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
