So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
two words...techno handjob
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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