Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
