remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
