so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
