Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
