it was like eating out sand paper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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