Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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