real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
