just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
