I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
