Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
