Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my poor anus
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
