Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
