I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
