My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't deserve a penis
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
