I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
