I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
