He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
