im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
NoShamevember. You game?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
