My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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