I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
