I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
