Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
there is glitter all over my balls
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
