Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
