He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
