I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
