He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
