I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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