We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
