I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
