i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
