she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
