is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
