so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
