she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
