got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
