The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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