So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
