I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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