Apparently you make a good broom.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
