Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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