i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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