sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
