and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
