Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
