She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize