Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
