3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
