Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
