dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
