I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
