Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize