You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My cat gives me a boner
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize